After the Cake:: The Love List

After the Cake :: The Love List

A few days ago while chatting with a friend the conversation of marriage and romance came up. Which then lead to a conversation about husbands and romance. One would think those two words would go hand in hand. Well in all honesty they don’t  always {or maybe their definition is different from ours}. As we went on discussing the romance dilemma we both had our own gripes; I complained that although my husband gave great courtship {he truly did!}, I miss it as a married woman. I miss the excitement of picking out an outfit to wear, getting all “dolled up”, and looking at the clock knowing that at any minute he’s going to be ringing my doorbell. Throughout our entire courtship we did not have one boring date. Many of our dates were new adventures and experiences. I started calling him my “Memory Maker”. Then it happened; Mr. G proposed, I said yes, and we got married…yup and an the After the Cake phenomenon creeps in.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a good marriage and in the beginning the newness of being a Mr. & Mrs. was just as exciting as dating…but then the novelty wears off.  As with every couple Mr. G and I settled into a routine and instead of waiting for the doorbell to ring and be picked up for a date, the doorbell was replaced with the buzzing of an alarm clock and my date was no longer at my door he is now in my bed! I decided to make a list of all the things Mr. G does not do and give it to him  the minute he returns from Belgium! “There are going to be some changes around here buddy!” However, that sentiment was fleeting because what happened next hit me like a ton of bricks and brought me to tears…

love sign diy glitter

After the “List” was complete, I went to our kitchen to pour myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast.  I opened the pantry to grab my favorite box of cereal and to my horror the box was nearly empty! Yet one more thing that got me worked up. First the “List” and now no cereal. Right before I was about to say the words “Give me a _____break!” a little voice inside my head said “move the box aside”. So I did and there they were… not one, not two but five boxes of my favorite cereal all lined up waiting for me to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the days and nights Mr. G would be away. At that very moment it took everything in me not to cry but I did. Had I been so blind that I did not notice that his love letters are the boxes of my favorite cereal, or that my gas tank being filled in the mornings was my bouquet of peonies that I want to wake up to? Before Mr. G left he made sure that every morning when I opened the pantry I would have something that would make me happy and simultaneously think of him. I felt so selfish and ungrateful. Every day I say thank you but why did I not notice the things he does every day that I should be thankful for? So instead of listing all the things that Mr. G does not do I decided to a make a list of all the things that he does. My conclusion? He loves me more than words can literally say.

We all love differently and we all have areas that we could be better at in our marriages. I am sure if Mr. G had to make a list of the things I do not do, it would be a mile long, but the things I do every day to let him know I love him would be a million miles longer. Loving is an act…and yes writing love letters and waxing poetic about how you love the person is beautiful…but talk is cheap. Love is not. It is a time invested thoughtful action, even when you do not see it, love is there. It is there on the cold mornings he starts your car so the windows will be defrosted by the time you get in it. It is there when he secretly buys your favorite candy bar and hides it because he knows precisely what day of the month you will say “I need some chocolate”. Love is always there if we take the time to look and not compare.

I challenge you to think of more than three things your partner does to make you smile; those everyday things we all take for granted. I bet you two things; you won’t be able to stop at three and you will realize that the love of your life loves you more than you give him credit for…or will truly ever know.

image source: b.loved

  • Melissa KaySeptember 8, 2013 - 12:44 PM

    OMG! I love this!! Great post! <3ReplyCancel

    • NaomiSeptember 9, 2013 - 12:25 PM

      Thank you! Don’t know where all my comments went. Lost them in my switch to Disqus!ReplyCancel

  • […] lesson from Naomi about being thankful for the acts of love from your […]ReplyCancel

  • Bellenza Wedding BistroMarch 14, 2013 - 1:24 AM

    That is a wonderful “challenge” to find things you are grateful for about your partner! Could do the same for any member of your family, too.ReplyCancel

  • “After the Cake” a real talk about marriage. Today’s question: does romance lessen after marriage or does it change?

  • LenaMarch 12, 2013 - 3:39 PM

    Such a beautiful tribute to love, gratefulness and that very wonderful man of yours.ReplyCancel

  • Bethel Nathan - Ceremonies by BethelMarch 12, 2013 - 12:37 PM

    Absolutely, totally, completely true! It is really our actions with each other than speak volumes. Thinking of the other person, finding little ways to make their life easier, more fun, more full – and it usually are the little things that actually mean more. I love when Jason does goofy/silly things to get that grin (the grin he says that he is the only one lucky enough to really see). I love when he takes a cab to the airport for those really early flights out, knowing he married a sleeper – and takes the decision from me, so I don’t have to feel guilty debating getting up that early. I love how he remembers to say our specific habitual good-luck things before I head off to a wedding (“rock their world”) or off to a meeting with a new couple (“book ’em danno”). I love how he now has a picture on his phone of himself sticking his tongue out at me, so he can text it to me when he’s traveling (rather than at the desk in our shared office) and make me laugh. I love how he has great suggestions for either my splurge/cheat meals when he knows I need or want to be off, or awesome on-plan meals when he knows I want to be on. I love how he takes my family on, even getting on the floor to play with our niece, despite not enjoying that time the way I do. I love how he expresses to me, and to others, how proud he is of the business I’ve built.

    I could go on and on.

    It’s not even worth mentioning the easy and obvious things, like you said, as those actually aren’t what touch us as much. These little things are the more intimate, the deeper ones, I think, because they require really knowing us.ReplyCancel

  • At First Blush & Co. (@NaomiVGoodman)March 12, 2013 - 12:32 PM

    Romance and marriage do they exist? If you say no, you are probably not looking hard enough

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